the REALLY fun days

Ok one, I need a hug. And two, although I am a huge advocate of the natural progression of things—going with the flow—I was also born in the age of instant everything. These two things clash some days, today being one of them. Usually I can do things in a calm and smooth syrup-like manner, but today believe it or not, emails aren’t even coming quick enough for me. ARE YOU KIDDING KATE CHILL OUT is what you are thinking, right? Trust me, half of me is thinking that too. I just can’t get the other half of me to get a grip. It's like it declared mutiny and is jumping ship so as to watch the other half of me go down in flames. Awesome, huh? I am trying to transition to taking myself seriously as an adult and woman, while also trying to retain a little bit of myself from the whole life I had before I graduated college. I have to get things worked out for the next step in life as well as continue to write papers and fulfill requirements for CEU. In the same day I was called a bionic woman and a fish out of water…WHAT???? I am caught in the middle of my own life. VERY, VERY STRANGE. It’s just one of those days. Mom, I need a hug.

It is one of the nicest feelings when things fall into place slowly but surely, but that’s the catch—it’s a process of slowly and surely, which is of course what makes it so beautiful. But this is where the scene cuts to me planted face down on my IKEA-everything bed bawling like a 2 year old with mascara smearing all the way from my forehead down to my chin (whoops, there goes any hope of you hiring me). Yes, of course I have days where I just am caught throwing up my hands, and I give up all hope of thinking rationally and keeping my perspective. Usually on these days I am seconds away from pressing “confirm purchase” for a one-way ticket to Dubai—that option always seems so much more logical than taking things one day at a time for some reason. But instead of keeping it all inside me and not acknowledging that I am actually experiencing something totally human—stress—I don’t. I just stop and let it go. AND IT FEELS GOOD. So what?? So I need a day to have this little fiasco, big deal!! If I didn’t deal with myself, I would probably be walking around as wound up as ever, snapping my mouth at everyone who walks past and eating only granola. Where is the fun in that life?? You have to walk on egg-shells around that kind of person. How AWFUL!! And, by the way, there is a silver lining to this—I can laugh at myself when my little saga is over, for example, I literally woke up out of my nap yesterday because I was laughing at myself in my dreams.

The days you have where you just slip out of the groove are so important. Although it is an absolute mess trying to sort them all out, it is hilarious looking back on them, and so helpful in understanding yourself. And of course, hugs help too.