stretching out

One of my favorite things to do is yoga. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, just you WAAAIIIIIT..before you stereotype me and label me and judge me let me go on. There are many kinds of yoga. Here in Budapest I practice ashtanga yoga. My teacher's name is John. He is originally from Philadelphia but has lived all over the world, making Budapest his home for the past 3 years. We practice in a beautiful orange building, next to a warm and cozy tea-house. It is a couple blocks from my apartment and right across the street is a little plaza with a quaint little park. My friend Peter turned me onto this place and we have made it into a ritual. If you come over, I'll introduce you to Peter, he's one of a kind and we are always laughing. And I mean the from-the-bottom-of-your-gut laughing where you can't remember what made you start in the first place. LOVE IT. Oh and by the way, Peter is from the Arctic Circle. YES-reread that last sentance. How sweet is that? So picture this 6'5" big, thick lumberjack kind of guy, who can track, hunt, and kill a caribou and then sleep in its body cavity to survive.....doing yoga. So, yoga is good for the body but boy does my body just screeeam the day after my yoga sessions. But it is such a good way to end the week, or begin it for that matter. Stress release. Anyways, point of the story is this: in ashtanga yoga you are told to lead your motions with squared shoulders, or "with your heart" as John says. And again, before you roll your eyes at me, YES I CAN SEE YOU ROLL YOUR EYES, let me go on. This is important in more than just yoga. It irritates me when people give me advice as though nothing can steer me off course or affect how I rank and order my preferences. Guess what folks---that's life and we don't live in a vaccum. You are supposed to be affected. It's not a bad thing. It becomes a bad thing when you sit and dwell or get blown around like a fragile little leaf. That's not me. But I do make decisions with much more than my brain. I hope you do too.

DECEMBER events

This week Budapest held the funeral for the greatest Hungarian footballer who ever played the game. Lui chiama Puskas, which means "of the rifle." The streets flew massive black flags in place of the usual bright red, green, and white national flag. I was walking on my way home the night the procession and funeral were held, and stopped along the street to witness a drumcorps composed of 50+ men, keeping a beat as they marched along, almost luring the casket towards the Basilica. It was a moving scene as people of all ages were carrying candles and walked alongside the drummers as they marched, like a protective shell, down the lighted street. But it was not a sad feeling, I was more overwhelmed with a feeling of community and togetherness and recognition of someone who brought this country smiles and hope and thrills. He had been a national hero in a time when there was not a lot to smile about and heroes were few and far between.

Tonight I was so pleasantly surprised to look at my calendar posted above my desk, and see that the date was screaming DECEMBER 11 at me. Come again??? I don’t think I remember what I had for breakfast today, let alone the past couple months, life has been flying by so quickly. I have a gigantic SACK full of great memories already, just waiting to be shared around the dinner table to eager ears. I hope my family knows to get out the spotlight because the star is coming home!! Just kidding mom and dad, but seriously, I know you love me most.

The end of the semester is here and it feels so good. I finished with a bang. You could even call it a big bang (HAHA). Ooooooooooor something similar to a gymnast with a perfect dismount off the beam, toes pointed and feet shoulder width apart---knees bent in a 90 degree fashion, holding my landing for a dramatic extra 5 second pause…wobbling…wobbling…might fall…..BUT WAIT…I HOLD THE PERFECT DISMOUNT AND SCORE A PERFECT 10!! If you managed to cut through all that exaggeration and thick description, let’s just say that things ended well. Tres bien pour moi.


The past couple days I have been making arrangements for the holiday trip home and so my mind has drifted every now and then to thoughts of my home sweet home. While I am as excited as I can remember to return home to spend time with loved ones and regain a normal, humane sleeping pattern, it can be a little difficult relating with old friends of my high school years, of what seems now like ages ago. I am sure this applies to everyone in one form or another, where things have just changed so much from what they once were, this is not a bad thing by any means, it just makes understanding each other more necessary maybe.

I was reading an international magazine earlier today and turned to an article on EU integration in Budapest and while in my mind this minute I was back home, I found myself getting a giddy feeling about reading this article—like I was already looking forward to coming back here after break. I got this feeling earlier in the week as well, sitting in a café with good friends. I love that feeling. I have made this place a home.

HERE COMES SANTA CLAUS, HERE COMES SANTA CLAUS, RIGHT DOWN SANTA CLAUS LAAAAAAAANNEEEEE

FOGGY DAYS

On this December day, early in the morning, this is what the city can look like.

I was walking on my way to class and as soon as I saw this, I sprinted straight into the fog and let myself get so into the thick of it all...it was nice to get lost for a while.

XOXOOXOXOXOXO

Miss you loads.

getting to know the country

Some friends and I went to a village the other day called Szendentre, just about an hour or so outside of Budapest. It's a beautiful little place and sits along the Daunbe, or the Duna as it is called Hungarian, north of the capital city. The photo was taken in a black and white setting, but really the light here starts to dim so early, usually around 4:00, and it makes the whole world seem stuck in this camera setting.
This is a picture of the Buda Castle that one of my friends took. The neo-gothic style is the premier motif in Budapest and the castle is an amazing example of it. The spires and sharp lines add to the once-powerful-empire-like feeling it emanates. I wish Minneapolis had a castle like this.

southern plains of Hungary

Me + Horizon = POSSIBILITIES!!!

energy, awareness, and academics.

Guacamole+quesadillas+steamed cabbage+apple pie+beef = Thanksgiving 2006

Last year I happened to be living in Athens, Greece during Thanksgiving and this year I have been lucky enough to yet again experience Thanksgiving in a place outside of the U.S. That always makes for a good time and an interesting meal. I think last year I had something along the lines of fried cheese, turkey, spinach and olives. This year I had a mix of Mexican, Russian, Hungarian and Romanian foods as my meal. There were some Turkish friends present so we ditched the idea of eating turkey. HAHA. We went for beef instead. It was good :) Although all the foods on the table were pretty different from a typical traditional Thanksgiving meal, the energy around it was the same. All my friends and I were together in a warm cozy apartment on a cold November evening laughing and drinking and eating together, sharing stories of our recent times together and hoping for more good times ahead. There is always a moment on those nights where if you just stop what you are doing for a minute and observe, you can feel the energy. I love that. How did I get to be so lucky?

At this school, the quality of intellectuals and academics whom they can attract to give lectures and talks on various issues is always above average and I like to try and make it to 3 or 4 each week. This week I went to a PhD defense on global distributive justice, a lecture entitled "When Socio-Cultures Clash" explaining radical Islamic youth reacting to the assimilation of their parents into mainstream British society, a talk on the French Declaration of Human Rights (of 1789), and a film on how gays are treated in Hollywood. Maybe in a different time of my life attending these functions may have seemed like one more thing to add to my day, but here in this time now, I cannot get enough of them. I am constantly and consistently stimulated on a range of topics and issues. I hope I can keep this up for the rest of my life, that this is not a trend or phase I am going through. I don't think it is though, I have always been interested and intrigued in learning--when I was 7 I was kicked out of our local library because I tried to spend the night there reading armloads of picture books.

Hope you had a warm and Happy Thanksgiving.

Woe is (not) me.

By the time Friday came around this week, I found myself falling to my knees, clasping my hands together and breaking out in a southern-style gospel hymn rejoicing in thanks and praise. No, seriously, believe it, it happened. I think the best way to describe the feeling on Friday was like I had just spent the 7 previous days pushing a gigantic boulder up an incline. And by incline I mean Mt. Everest. Exhaustion, defeat, and not even near to being done. Lately I have noticed that I am lacking a balance that runs across multiple areas--school, play, and love--in my life and it's very irritating. This is how life is sometimes you might say, and I whole-heartedly agree. Schoolwork has been snowballing, volunteering engagements piling up, due dates looming and all with time running thin. My classmates feel the same pressure. We are all giving in to the wallowing alittle too often, becoming intoxicated with our complaints. "OHHHH HOW WILL IT EVER GET DONE?", laments my anxious and often times anal brain. Luckily my mind usually takes the reigns and steps in, dressed in a superman cape, and slaps my brain across the......face (if that makes sense)..typically followed with a very kind and patient "relax and get a grip Kate. It will work out." How did my mind get so mature?? When did that happen? Last time I looked I was in 5th grade learning about earth science. So many times I find that when I ask a profound question of life with a sincere longing to have a complete and genuine answer, before I know it I end up actually living "into" the answers, just as my dear friend Rainer Maria Rilke told me I would. I acquire wisdom without realizing, sort of an osmosis maybe? I wish this kind of thing happened in my academic life as the more orthodox learning methods aren't really doing it for me anymore.

It is in these times though that you have to remember to be the most patient and kind with yourself as you often learn the most, and just give in to letting things go their natural course. I think it is important to allow yourself to be vulnerable in order to achieve your full potential of experiencing life. I don't think you should necessarily run from feeling overwhelmed or defeated, it's inevitable and more importantly, normal. I cherish these times, when they have passed and I look back on them that is, after my spaz-out session has ended, and understand the positive ways in which they have shaped me into me. I also usually notice that when I feel this way, it is best countered by focusing my attention on others, being positive to others, and today when I stepped out of my little world and noticed others around me, I saw that a dear friend was struggling to keep a smile on her face. After a short diversion into the corner cafe and a couple cappuccinos, I found out that her grandpa had just passed away. I have troubles???? WHAT TROUBLES?? By the end of our time together, I know she so much appreciated talking with me, and I know I so much appreciated her sharing with me, as it slapped me back into perspective. This is where I play the "naïve and so young" card with an embarrassed and blushing grimace.

Oh Budapest, how I am learning so much from you.

God bless Orthodontists :)

I hope wherever you are, this finds you with as big a smile as mine.

Love to you.

Rollercoaster of a day

Oh what a double-edged sword. A good friend told me that one of the things she admires about me is how I let things in, people in, feelings in and allow them to really affect me. Usually it is in a very good, very encompassing and reflective way, but then there are those days when I feel like I need to put on a suit of armor, build the Berlin Wall around me, and cower in the corner inorder to even function and get through the day. Everything affects me on those days. Normal you ask?? I don't know, hopefully :) Yes, I question my sanity every other day it seems like. It felt like there was one road-block after another and I was affected by everything today from the freezing rain pouring down on Budapest to getting lost after lunch to finding out one of my all-time favorite news anchors passed away. I felt probably every available emotion in the span of twelve hours. It was more like I spent a day at the amusement park stuck on a rollercoaster than anything.

Although after reading the above paragraph, you might have begun to google psych wards for me, please don't despair. While it did seem like the world took on the role of an annoying older sibling, taunting me and daring me to burst into tears, it was also as if there were other factors working FOR me. From the moment I woke up to throughout my afternoon to the latter part of the evening, there were people consistently interjecting, smiling, complimenting, almost as if I had my own personal cheerleading squad following me around all day. I could not ditch them no matter how much I tried. And boy did I try. It was only when I actually coralled in my emotions and started to behave like an adult, that I took a minute and realized how silly I was being. I had been too wrapped up in my little pity-party to keep anything in perspective and actually see all the smiling faces and warm eyes. After understanding this it was almost impossible for me to stay upset in any way.

I got an email response the other day in regards to making choices that often times don't offer tangible results. In sum it said that I a young person becoming. Life is fluid. The doors that open today may not be there tomorrow. Sometimes it is best to choose with your heart and sometimes with your head, often times with both in combination. Sometimes I wish I had the answers.

Doors closing?

Wojtek is devastated. My roomate's plan for the next year just got cut out from underneath him at the very last minute. The funding got cut from Poland and so his program got cut as well. Bummer. As soon as he told me the bad news, I started wracking my brain for ideas and options for him to research and made the mistake of blurting out all this optimism. The response I got was along the lines of "if you say anymore, I will shove your optimism back down your throat." I need to start thinking before I speak...that probably wasn't the right time to try and problem solve. Wojtek put up this wall between us, dividing us in two, with me being the optimistic-everything-in-life-is-sweet-and-easy and him being the hard-working-fight-for-everything-he's-got-things-don't-work-out-in-Eastern-Europe-like-in-America. But is it really this way? I like to think that if you keep your head up and your mind open, things WILL infact work out, maybe not exactly the way you planned or hoped for, but nonetheless, they will work out. This is what I have experienced in my life. But has being an American taught me this perspective? He disagrees, preferring to believe that life is hard and if things don't work out then you should blame the system because it is usually at fault and shalacked in corruption. Maybe in some cases, it is the "system's" fault, the transitioning country's error, but does that then mean that optimism should go out the window? Do different cultures have differing levels of optimism? This may seem really obvious, you could easily say yes, especially in the cases of the former Soviet bloc countries optimism doesn't exactly stand front and center, but does that lack of optimism mirror what the true present situation is? I wonder what I would be like if I had lived my whole life in Wojtek's situation. I like to think I wouldn't be as affected as he is, but I am not so sure. Maybe my optimism has been taught to me. I want him to be able to see the options available, the possibilites to take advantage of, but his eyes are locked in tunnel vision right now and he is angry. I wish I could help, but I can't because I cannot step into his shoes. I just refuse to think that his options are so muted and want him to feel the same. We are friends divided.

Airports and Italians

I loooooooooooove airports. I love them, I love them, I love them. I love watching the planes take off, I love daydreaming about my next adventure, I love meeting random people while you wait. I think my favorite thing about airports though, are the reactions to the return home. Witnessing the reuniting of loved ones after time spent apart is great :) Faces are decked with emotion and it is always a surprise which emotion will reveal itself, as reuniting can be an overwhelming thing. For some reason I always cry when I return home, like a sobbing drained hobo collapsing into the arms of my mom and dad, then again, that might have something to do with the fact that usually my luggage has just been lost in a different hemisphere and I have been in transit for the past 46 hours with nothing to eat but microwaved hot-pockets. The reuniting experience is a powerful one though. It begs the most natural gut response when you see loved ones again, nothing is rehearsed or strained. You are simply reacting. If you ever need a pick-me-up, go sit at the arrival gate of your local airport and watch the events unfold.

I flew to Rome the other day and met a handsome Argentine while waiting for my plane. We spoke broken Spanish and English together and then he swept me off to his villa and we rode Arabian horses together into the sunset...OR NOT. But we did have a nice little chat in his beautiful language, which brings me to my point--languages can either be a beautiful window or a frustrating barrier. This week I experienced both. The window can be fun and a little boost to your ego when you see how your four years of simple high school middle-America Spanish can get you by, but then there is the REAL test of skill--actually putting that language into context and going to the respective country. And that I did (in this case I went to Italy). While in Rome I spent time with a good friend who happens to speak three languages, clearly trumping my one. All her friends speak 3 languages as well..none of which are English, and yes, I can hear your sighs of pity for me, if you were wondering, thanks. Point of the story--we didn't speak English for 5 consecutive days. That's 5 days in a row without "Like, so I was like, tired, and then he was like hungry and then like.." I would like to think that I don't actually sound like that, but it's harder than you think to speak without slang and the improper usage of words. This is where the barrier comes into play--they were all carousing and joking and singing together in a bond created by their common language. I have never felt so foreign in my life. I felt like I had a big fat stamp on my head labled "IGNORANT". My high school Spanish and Italian just didn't cut it. My computer generated "PROFICIENCY" degree awarded to me during senior year meant nothing to these people--for all they knew, I was speaking Yiddish. However, as the night wore on I have to admit I had the time of my life and although I didn't get my point across most of the time in words, I am pretty good with charades and can say I represented America well. And most importantly, these "strangers" soon became my friends despite our lack of common nouns and verbs. Patience and kindness can go a long way when you are far away from home.

Last point. Italians-gotta love 'em. So bold and confident with hand gestures being thrown everywhere. It's as if someone told them that this is their very last day they will ever be Italians and they're getting it all out, as much as they can, giving it their all, showing the world why it's great to be Italian. I like that. They know who they are. That's why I don't mind when I get a look that could kill from the clerk as I slide a 20 euro bill (for a 1 euro item) across the counter, followed by a string of Italian phrases about why I can't bring smaller bills and how now she has to go back and get change...it all sounds like "Ave Maria" to me, that is, if I don't listen to what she is actually saying.

I signed up for language courses the other day. Be prepared to see my best.

Variety and varience...

As I lay here on my bed, practically comatose with exhaustion from exams and lectures, my thoughts drift away and I go over the events and feelings of the past week…

This week began by marking the 1956 uprising in Budapest against the Soviet forces in rule at the time. It was supposed to be a day of remembrance and peaceful protesting but quickly turned into one of violence and anger. Teargas was thrown and rubber bullets were shot in the streets of this beautiful, famously peaceful city. I stayed away and only witnessed from afar but felt a sense of sadness for the people of Hungary in two different ways. One was of course the sadness remembering that day’s events 50 years ago and all the blood that was shed just so a “free” life like the one I take so much for granted in the States could be lived here in Hungary. The other sadness was for Hungary in this moment now, that it is going through all this awful political turmoil and for the embarrassing scene made on such an important anniversary. How different this world is from place to place and how much of it doesn’t even affect my homeland is too spectacular to understand.

On the other end of the emotional spectrum during this week, I found out that feelings towards another, whom I respect and admire, are mutual…BOOM-SHAKALAKA, I am feeling goooood!! After hearing this news, I promptly did what anyone would do after hearing that their crush digs them…my best Michael Jackson dance move sequence…DUH. What an exciting feeling, you just can’t get enough of it!!

Like an awful joke, later in the week I found out about a close friend’s fresh heartbreak. Ohhh how I know that feeling. Heartbreak and I became acquainted a couple years ago, but luckily left my life soon after and I haven’t seen it since. Since I knew it for so long, I know that I can only offer up words of healing and empathy to my dear friend. I wish so much I could pick her up and carry her out of this forest of unhappiness, but I understand that it is such an individual experience. I mean, of course friends and family are there to pull you through when you just cannot even fathom a sunny day again, but when you get down to it, it is just you and yourself sitting there in the pain. If I could, I would tune her "heart vibes", if you will, to the same frequency as mine, so that she could feel good again. But my friend is strong and will find a path through this experience. Oh how I wish words could heal though…

Finally, today’s feelings involve such sincere thanks and appreciation for these beautiful October days. Often times in the morning on my walk to school I find that the beginning of the journey sets a rather frantic pace to keep up--I am usually running late because I have a tendency to let my close friends Gavin (DeGraw) and Dave (Matthews) serenade me too long and I have to hustle out the door halfway dressed with jam and espresso dripping off my face, showing off the truly chic and sophisticated woman I am. I think it’s safe to say that I fit the portrait of a lunatic as I sprint down the street like my head is on fire hoping to catch the morning announcements at school. But as I continue down my street, my spastic motions begin to calm, morphing me back into sanity and I find that my eyes usually rise from the pastry I am inhaling, up to the breathtaking art-deco style architecture which most of the buildings in this part of the city have adopted. I am swept away in my thoughts and my pace begins to slow. I notice the colors and lines of the buildings. The trees beside them serve almost as bright lights the leaves are radiating so much color. I am overwhelmed with a magnificence that might ordinarily seem so mundane, but on this day I understand what I am seeing and I am thankful. I am surrounded by color. I am surrounded by life and my eyes are wide open.

I read once that the more variety of emotions you feel or the more times you are moved to tears of happiness or sadness, tears of joy or anger, the better life becomes. I know that may not always sound so appealing at first thought, but after a minute, I know I agree. But please by all means, think about this and come to your own conclusion.

Angles of the city

Beautiful Budapest...

Danube at Dusk

The Chain Bridge

Working together?

I am gonna take some time and give myself a little credit here in this blog. It is the end of what has been a rather stressful week, full of challenging schoolwork and amazingly insightful lectures, unique people with strong minds and passions. I have spent the latter part of the week spending too much money and eating too much chocolate trying to cheer myself up after a poor turnout from my brain. It just didn't show up this week to school. When I'd arrive in the morning expecting to meet up with it in the large entrance hallway of school, it'd never show...just stood me up day after day, all week long. I did however manage to spend a good amount of time with my mind this week. And that was nice. See, my mind and my brain are two different entities--my mind is the passionate part of me, it holds my daydreams and my life dreams, the image of what I want to be, the image of who I am striving to become. My brain simply holds the basic crude knowledge I am acquiring along the way. It tries to make sense of the life lessons I am learning, but to no avail. It all seems like ancient Greek to my brain. These lessons are what my mind thrives on though. It loves to simmer in these thoughts and feelings and shape them all together creating a great big collage of...KATE! I just gotta find some way to get these two to work together more often...they are sort of like oil and water. My brain harps on my mind for strolling along, indulging in the things who make me who I am, while it (my brain) toils away trying to connect all the important information I am learning inorder to take me to the places my mind wants to go. Lately, I think I have been biased towards my mind and this week was a boycott in result of that, by my brain. That little jerk, I needed it this week too. So this week was a frustrating one and now I am giving myself some credit. I am patting myself on the back for doing something pretty hard. I have learned basic Hungarian, while taking a master's program in a different country and culture, while uprooting from all my comforts of home, while leaving behind possibilities of a tremendous love affair...(i know, i know, possibilities isn't that concrete. so sue me)...and now I would like to say I am thriving :) I am loving this life I have created for myself and this person I have become. I have made this once unfamiliar place into a home and I have met people who I will remember well into the future. Why do I sometimes think I don't deserve this? What makes us think that we don't deserve the happiness we chase for ourselves, or the beauty we create or radiate, or the opportunites that we create for ourselves? Why can we just not give ourselves a little more credit? I think this is an American thing. Why is success so much more of a goal? Why can't just enjoying and expanding be the goal? I just want to enjoy the way I am going with the people I am with, whom I care most about. I am not and don't want to be the valedvictorian of my grad program. I am the one with whom the valedvictorian can relate to when they fall flat on their face in front of everyone and need someone to help them back up. I like this position. But really, it's so nice to relate to people, in all kinds of situations and places on this earth. Why can't they make a master's program for this kind of thing?

I went to the ballet last night. I love getting dressed up almost as much as I love getting lost in my mind.

learning the hard way

What a disaster of a day. Yesterday I succcessfully gave the absolute WORST presentation of my life infront of all my peers and a professor. And i had to get feedback infront of everyone from a peer and the prof and I know they were trying so hard in their most polite manner to dance around the obvious evaluation of "IT SUCKED." ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. so bad. I cannot beleive how embarrassing that was. I couldn't even answer questions for debate because I was so flustered. Everyone has a story like this though, it's what makes us all human. Classmates were so concoling, after I coaxed it out of them to tell me how truthfully horrible it was. They offered support and stories of past carwrecks to make me feel better. So sweet. And after a couple of tears on the walk home, I managed to be laughing at the whole situation by the time I reached my doorstep, that is, after I tripped and fell with a whole group of kindergartners there to witness. How humbling. But the hardest thing was today I had to get right back up and give ANOTHER presentation. And the girl who was a specialist on the subject sat dead center, with a stone cold sober look on her face. OH NO. Did I do something to piss God off???Suddenly flashbacks from yesterday streamed through my mind. And then I began...You'll be relieved to hear that it went better, not like I won 6-0, 6-0, but more like 6-4, 7-5. So baby steps is what I'm thinking here...gaining experience and acquiring the right tools takes a little bit of time and I am determined to "just keep swimming" as Nicki so wisely quoted. Someone throw me a life jacket just in case. Or maybe just alert the Coast Guard that I'm out there.

Beautiful fall weather, long sleeves and leather, the leaves are falling in Budapest. I love it.

There was a marathon run the other day in Budapest and it made me think of the great Twin Cities Marathon in the fall. It is always nice to see how runners bond together to help each other complete the often painful journey of 26.2 miles. It's a universal thing, no translation needed there...maybe I should propose this method of survival to the rest of my Master's program department.

More stories later. Love from afar.

HAPPY THOUGHTS

Labor-market institutions and working-class strength...got anything to add to that?????

Just kidding of course. I have that topic under control, it is just one of the many issues we are covering and hoping to apply the theories of public policy to. And taking this class makes me happy. That is what I am focusing on--HAPPINESS :) Who doesn't love it? SCROOGE? No, Tiny Tim got under his skin in the end so I can't think of anyone else. So that is my quest, one of them, I should say, while here in Budapest. So to accomplish this task I am doing a number of things. For instance, I am:

1. learning spanish mas bueno (i think)
2. going swimming at the pool
3. stopping randomly in different synagogues on the way to school and just sitting and enjoying
4. enjoying nights at the opera, just a block from my apartment
5. a member of an "eating club" that converses over great food with great company once a week
6. eating lots and lots of sweets...for breakfast
7. "sauntering"
8. taking baths
9. texting uncontrollably
10. downloading obscene amounts of samba music
11. not thinking
12. thinking

and all because these things make me HAPPY. You may have read my list and laughed outloud and wondered why you stay in contact with me, but then again, you may have read my list and thought "I love "sauntering" too!". Whatever makes you happy, I hope you do it. Please find some time. A close friend recently told me too much analysis leads to paralysis (she's Greek and thinks that little lines like that which rhyme are really great and so tries to use them as much as possible. I think they are annoying). I agree with this. Too much thought about the wrong things lead only to dwelling and regret. It is in these times of transition and growth that is most important that we learn these things. This lesson though took me at least 10 times to learn, I hope you learn it much more quickly.

Please go enjoy your day :)

School is in session

Isn't this city beautiful?

This is truly the last thing I want to be doing right now because my connection is going in and out, but I am sure that some of you faithful readers are on pins and needles waiting for the next blog, so I feel I must come through. You're welcome :)

So I have survived so far, the first two weeks of grad school in another country, on the other side of the world. The curriculum is outrageously intense as they amalmagate 2 years into 10 months. My brain swells and pulses for about 5 hours after classes end for the day. Really, I am in pain from thinking so much. But the students are so great, so specialized in certain areas, so it leaves me at a bit of a disadvantage with a liberal arts degree but consider me ready for the challenge. I am like a very hyper and aggressive toddler wanting to do swan dives off the high dive with the varsity swim team, get my drift? I have professors who have had long stints working for organizations like the World Bank or the European Council. My peers have worked already for as long as my lifetime in places like Transparency International or as professors in universities back home. Imagine our first day of introductions...Aftab-law professor, Linda-corruption researcher, Irakli-head economist for Armenia, Szilvi-on her third MA, Kate-22 year old. If you just went white with fear and suddenly calculated out the cost of revoking your tuition and flying back to MN to wait tables for the next year, well then you had the same reaction I had. Luckily I was able to pick my jaw off of the table and muster enough courage to blurt out "and I LOVE MULTICULTURALISM!!!" at the top of my lungs. And boy, did that impress them:) So there you have it. I'm 22 and I love multiculturalism. I couldn't fit more perfectly here. The good news is they welcomed me with open arms and huge smiles after my impressive verbal resume.

The other day I picked up some amazing photography for my walls at a smart little shop wedged between two buildings. Check out www.radkin.com for a look at some brilliant shots of landscapes that will make you want to leave home for travel and never go back.

Watch out for the purple poison dart frogs..pretty but deadly little suckers

After spending an entire day with my friends, whose nationalities I will refer to as a "garden salad" (a little bit of this, a little bit of that, some more of this, a little more of that..) at the Budapest Aquarium, I realize how very similar we are despite our most obvious surface differences. As we strolled through the exhibits housing reptiles, sharks, and cute little teeny tiny furry little monkeys, our conversations ranged from the topics of Islam to birthdays to family life to sports. But the subjects which ended up taking most of our breath were those of relationships and the people in our lives whom we care most about. Funny how much we wanted to relate to each other as humans--to share our hard times and our happy times, our losses and our loves with each other. For example take my Pakistani friend and his Islamic culture. Marriages often times find themselves with one husband a multiple number of wives whereas in my American culture, polygomy is considered ancient, disrespectful, and awfully patriarchal. Or in my Ukranian friend's case, she wears a special ring to signify and remind herself of the last time she confessed to an orthodox priest and in my Muslim friends' cases they speak directly to their god whom they believe resides very close indeed, in their own hearts. No middle man needed. I like that idea very much. Or meet my Armenian friend Grigor. I have proclaimed him my surrogate father-figure. Although upon first impression he appears a little rough around the edges, to be quite frank, like he could kill a grizzly bear with his bare hands and then eat it raw. Even the bones. But after some easy conversation, I have come to the conclusion that he is one of the sweetest men I have met. He talks openly and respectfully about his family and loved ones. Feel free to ask him for advice, you'll feel as if you just spoke with Dr. Phil and had the best therapy session of your life. He is a newlywed at 31, married last spring in Armenia. This is the best time he says, because the yellow flower blossoms cover the country. Picture this grizzly killing man frolicking through the valley of flower blossoms and you will get a good picture of him. Today he was gushing about the love of his life, 10 years his junior and of a different religion and culture, but he has never found someone who felt so similarly to him about life. His eyes teared up when he said how proud of her he is. She just got a promotion.

A gift really, is what today was.

In the here and now

I don't know how to begin this blog today so after about 5 minutes of staring off into space with my mouth half open and my pupils glazing over, I think I am just gonna jump in.

Last night was one full of good company, good food, and good atmosphere. And loads and loads of laughter. These are the nights that you really remember, as compared to the ones spent crammed into raging clubs with lights flashing so intensly that one could have a seizure. We spent the night at a local Greek restuarant eating and engaging each other on our pasts, presents, and futures--so many people in this world with so many different stories. Just when I think I have met everyone I need to (I know, SO STUPID, don't ask about my thinking process), more come along and surprise me with their experiences and their auroas. One lesson I am learning very quickly is to embrace this experience with everything that I have. In doing so, you create unseen bridges that you can cross and recross for the rest of your life. Reflecting back onto my night makes me smile in excitement for the people, experiences, and conversations that are still instore for me. Please patient reader of my blog, embrace your experiences wherever you are, for you don't have to be in an exotic location to experience good people.

Another thing. Hungarian is hard. It makes me feel defeated when babies can speak better than I. Like REALLY defeated. But you'll all be happy to hear that I have now mastered another word...yes, one more word..I know, pathetic. The dual usage of the word "please", or in Orange County California teenage girl talk--"ohmygod PUHHHHHHLLEEEASE". I cannot tell you how rewarding it feels to actually be able to say that word in appreciation to the waiter after reading the entire menu in Hungarian and then trying to decode this mystery of a language and actually receiving what it is I truly wanted to order!! YAY!! Jubilation is the word I think I will use here to describe the way I felt. Kudos to moi :) At least it makes the waiters smile, no matter if it's at my expense.

I don't mean to make this blog into an emotional saga or banner of my dreams and wishes, but bear with me today because I'm in a mood. I hope that you who are reading this is making your life into an extension of what is there in your mind and heart. What I mean when I say this, is that I truly hope that you are fulfilling your internal "checklist" for who you are and what you want your life to be. And I hope you radiate this. It's an attractive thing--side note. I feel like as of late, I have been fortunate enough to begin to discover this and am working on the radiation part. It feels great. I hope that you have taken the time to find this out and are materializing it in this very real world now or in the near future. Whatever it may be. Feel free to revise and add on, etc. but please just find out and go with the feeling. And I like hearing about when you are, so please email me on the topic.

And finally. School starts Monday. I just picked up all my reading materials. I measured their total thickness. It comes to approximatley 14 inches of sheer text. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME.

oooohh...ahhhhh...

and it comes with a view...

Here's my room..home sweet home. I love the light :)

RIOTS!

So I don't know if you have been following the happenings of European politics recently, but anyways, there are riots on my front step. Talk about political awareness. I have never seen something like this before, Minneapolis isn't exactly a place of unrest or political turmoil. The city and its people are up in arms as they should be, about the lying and scandals that have recently come to their attention. Read up on it on some international websites and you'll start to get the picture.

My guru

So Wojtek and myself are sitting here in this cafe on the corner near our apartment, creatively names "Sark" which means "corner" in Hungarian which we have started coming to on a regular basis. He is giving me lessons on the Hungarian language and more importantly, life. We have similar minds I think, Wojtek and I, although we are very different. He describes me as "American as hell" (something I have never been called before)--bubbly, smiling, and laughing all the time. I don't know what to do except laugh. HAHA. He is much more serious but once you get him talking he is a silly one, that silly Polak. And he has alot to say. Generalizing of course, the people here are much more reserved and quiet as compared to the people I am accustomed to--vibrant, emotional spazzes, myself being the ring leader. But it is as if you can feel their sadness, their past sadness, their present sadness, and the sadness still to come in their lives when you are surrounded by them in the metro or bus. They wear their loneliness on their sleeves like I wear my heart, as Wojtek says. But so far, so good here in Budapest. The city is BEAUTIFUL. The bridges are an architectural dream, especially the Chain bridge. The city lights up these at night and it makes me want to sit by this river all night.

A little bit of Sweden here in Budapest

Back to civilization finally, yes you can all breath your huge sighs of relief for me, i have moved in to my new apartment! It's a nice little one overlooking a park and some of the Jewish district very near the Danube. My home also comes with people. I have two roommates--one is an American girl named Nicole, 27, who has been living around Eastern Europe for the past 6 or 7 years doing stuff like Peace Corps and other random volunteering. She is very down to earth and laid back. But you'd probably expect that considering she hasn't exactly been living on Lexington and 5th lately. I like her alot. My other roommate is a Polish guy named Wojtek (Vooy-tek), and NOT Veriteck like i initially called him for the first hour of our friendship :) He, plain and simple, is THE SHIT, and we will get along very well. He is 23 and has a beautiful Hungarian girlfriend. He is working as a telecommunicator making random phonecalls for General Electric to people all over Italy (I miss ROME!). I have yet to find out my new friends' future dreams and goals but I will be able to unlock their secrets soon as we have all formed immediate bonds. YAY! So now I can finally start breathing again because things haven't gone to hell like I thought they would, and I think that the three of us will have an unforgettable friendship.

Yesterday between classes I took a stroll through what they call Central Pest and district 1 on the Buda side. Such beautiful scenery..the Buda side is made up of hills and tunnels that run straight through them. The hills run down to the Danube and then stop once on the Pest side. I also noticed on my stroll, that along the river there are sets and sets of iron shoes placed along the bank on the Pest side. These I later learned, signify the Jews that were shot and killed and then thrown over the bank by Facists at the end of WWII. Pretty eerie even on a gorgeous September day.

My area is also a great place for biking (my new love introduced to me recently by a good friend), and a bike being something which I have been wanting to buy. Speaking of buying, I had my first experience with IKEA yesterday. EXCITING. Have you ever been???? NO??? Well then you MUST GO!! However, it helps to know the IKEA system otherwise you'll be quite frustrated in the beginning stages as I was, but I always dive in head first without looking. It makes things more interesting. HAHA. So if you don't know, the first MILE (seriously, it was a freaking whole mile) of the store is a walkthrough of different set ups of potential house interiors and rooms, etc. I did not know this though and was getting really peeved that not only were all the instructions on how to pick out styles, etc. in Hungarian (imagine that), but I had forgotten my translation dictionary. To add to my frustration and misery, none of the displays were for sale! The true American in me was getting so desperate as to make a purchase for my new home that a strainer was suddenly looking like fine china. But as you keep on through this maze of imported goods that anitcapitalists would scream in sheer terror at, you reach a section where everything opens up, the light shines down, and suddenly YOU ARE IN THE BIGGEST BULK WAREHOUSE OF HOUSEHOLD GOODS THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN. And it was glorious. I almost cried it was so exciting. Seriously. Thank you, thank you, thank you was all I could think...I thought I had ventured all the way out on the end of the metro red line for nothing. So I made the necessary purchases of bamboo plants and espresso pots and went on my merry little way back to my home sweet home and I was welcomed home like Odysseus to his promised land -- a hero!! WE HAVE PLATES NOW...and they're made in China!!

the land where everything is possible...after a while :)

Ok. GOOD NEWS EVERYBODY!! I FOUND AN APARTMENT! whew....what a freaking relief. Try finding an apartment in a city where you know one word (kersenum=thanks!), and not one soul. Thats a little bit of a challenge, almost impossible you might think...well then I HAVE ACHIEVED THE IMPOSSIBLE!!

Yesterday was our first day on CEU's campus, full of orientations and bustling people all over the place speaking in languages I have never even heard of before. You could feel the start of the new school year in the air. Nerves were flowing as usual. It feels like they are on 24/7 right now, but I have learned to shove those in a closet lately. Anyways, we start classes in two weeks but start previewing classes next week. I am looking forward to seeing what they have to offer. They say to get in all your fun now while you can because once these two weeks are up, your life will be consumed by the program. EEEEEK!! But I have a feeling I will be able to slip in some fun and turn off the study switch. As you've probably already noticed, it's not that hard for me.

Already I have met many interesting people. For instance I am listening in on this conversation right now between a group of guys, one being a REALLY annoying American. and by REALLY i mean you want to cut off your own ears because he is shooting out facts about the world and where he has been and how he is now because of his awesome life so far..BARFFFFF...and then there are those who tell stories of how their families (alot of people in the school are married and have kids) and their lives have been disrupted by war and cultural boundaries and religion and the list goes on. I am in awe. My life cannot compare. I have seen nothing compared to them. And the best part is how simple they speak about how they want their lives to be in the future and who they want to be. They won't go back and leech off parents and play video games, fingers covered in cheetohs late into their 20's. I feel like I am a small toddler learning to speak while they have already lived FULL lifetimes, yet we are the same age.

oh yah..

forgot to let you in on a couple details...walked into the hotel restuarant for a little dindin, Turkish cuisine tonight, and just as we were beginning to enjoy our onion soup, I spy out of my peripheral vision a set of GIGANTIC FLESHY JYRATING FEMALE HIPS....IN MY FACE!! the dancer was so into her moves and the fact that "her hips don't lie" that she shook her tush a little too hard and off went her bottom half of the Turkish belly-dancing costume, and at our dinner table. what a evening, what an evening--the FIRST of many, many, many unforgettable nights to come in this unfamiliar place i will learn to call home. so the answer to your question--- yes, i was given a belly dance while i ate soup. and i liked it.

and the baby in me comes out...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

ok. now that the freakout session (for the day) is out of my system, hopefully the shock will wear off soon...so...i'm in BUDAPEST...yah I am...WOW...that is all i can really think right now...what a different place and of course i initially had 2 zillion thoughts sprint through my mind asking "why are you doing this again?" and "where exactly are you?"...but after actually taking a breath and letting the oxygen flow into my brain again I realize how AMAZING this experience is going to be. "Of course you must step out of your box inorder to get anything out of this experience" i tell myself but oh how much easier said than done that is, this is no typical university and these are not typical people, they are those who want to be involved with bettering this world and they sure are serious about it, thats a little intimidating considering while we are all sitting in a circle debating, i can't seem to keep my mind off the last guy i kissed..looks like i have some work to do...but I AM serious about this, I just dont know how serious to be because this is all so new and so unfamiliar..i know, really there is nothing to complain about, but i feel just so NAKED is the word i am looking for i think...just exposed and it is just me there, not my old college, not my parents, not friends, just me. and i'm scared, so sue me...I sit down in a small room used for wireless internet and proceed to work my savvy charm upon everyone within seeing distance. it is starting to feel better already.

Pre-Departure 2006

Who would've thought that 4 years of college would've passed so quickly?? And who would've thought that this is how my life has turned out?? NOT ME :) BUDAPEST, HERE I COME!!!