Working together?

I am gonna take some time and give myself a little credit here in this blog. It is the end of what has been a rather stressful week, full of challenging schoolwork and amazingly insightful lectures, unique people with strong minds and passions. I have spent the latter part of the week spending too much money and eating too much chocolate trying to cheer myself up after a poor turnout from my brain. It just didn't show up this week to school. When I'd arrive in the morning expecting to meet up with it in the large entrance hallway of school, it'd never show...just stood me up day after day, all week long. I did however manage to spend a good amount of time with my mind this week. And that was nice. See, my mind and my brain are two different entities--my mind is the passionate part of me, it holds my daydreams and my life dreams, the image of what I want to be, the image of who I am striving to become. My brain simply holds the basic crude knowledge I am acquiring along the way. It tries to make sense of the life lessons I am learning, but to no avail. It all seems like ancient Greek to my brain. These lessons are what my mind thrives on though. It loves to simmer in these thoughts and feelings and shape them all together creating a great big collage of...KATE! I just gotta find some way to get these two to work together more often...they are sort of like oil and water. My brain harps on my mind for strolling along, indulging in the things who make me who I am, while it (my brain) toils away trying to connect all the important information I am learning inorder to take me to the places my mind wants to go. Lately, I think I have been biased towards my mind and this week was a boycott in result of that, by my brain. That little jerk, I needed it this week too. So this week was a frustrating one and now I am giving myself some credit. I am patting myself on the back for doing something pretty hard. I have learned basic Hungarian, while taking a master's program in a different country and culture, while uprooting from all my comforts of home, while leaving behind possibilities of a tremendous love affair...(i know, i know, possibilities isn't that concrete. so sue me)...and now I would like to say I am thriving :) I am loving this life I have created for myself and this person I have become. I have made this once unfamiliar place into a home and I have met people who I will remember well into the future. Why do I sometimes think I don't deserve this? What makes us think that we don't deserve the happiness we chase for ourselves, or the beauty we create or radiate, or the opportunites that we create for ourselves? Why can we just not give ourselves a little more credit? I think this is an American thing. Why is success so much more of a goal? Why can't just enjoying and expanding be the goal? I just want to enjoy the way I am going with the people I am with, whom I care most about. I am not and don't want to be the valedvictorian of my grad program. I am the one with whom the valedvictorian can relate to when they fall flat on their face in front of everyone and need someone to help them back up. I like this position. But really, it's so nice to relate to people, in all kinds of situations and places on this earth. Why can't they make a master's program for this kind of thing?

I went to the ballet last night. I love getting dressed up almost as much as I love getting lost in my mind.