Rollercoaster of a day

Oh what a double-edged sword. A good friend told me that one of the things she admires about me is how I let things in, people in, feelings in and allow them to really affect me. Usually it is in a very good, very encompassing and reflective way, but then there are those days when I feel like I need to put on a suit of armor, build the Berlin Wall around me, and cower in the corner inorder to even function and get through the day. Everything affects me on those days. Normal you ask?? I don't know, hopefully :) Yes, I question my sanity every other day it seems like. It felt like there was one road-block after another and I was affected by everything today from the freezing rain pouring down on Budapest to getting lost after lunch to finding out one of my all-time favorite news anchors passed away. I felt probably every available emotion in the span of twelve hours. It was more like I spent a day at the amusement park stuck on a rollercoaster than anything.

Although after reading the above paragraph, you might have begun to google psych wards for me, please don't despair. While it did seem like the world took on the role of an annoying older sibling, taunting me and daring me to burst into tears, it was also as if there were other factors working FOR me. From the moment I woke up to throughout my afternoon to the latter part of the evening, there were people consistently interjecting, smiling, complimenting, almost as if I had my own personal cheerleading squad following me around all day. I could not ditch them no matter how much I tried. And boy did I try. It was only when I actually coralled in my emotions and started to behave like an adult, that I took a minute and realized how silly I was being. I had been too wrapped up in my little pity-party to keep anything in perspective and actually see all the smiling faces and warm eyes. After understanding this it was almost impossible for me to stay upset in any way.

I got an email response the other day in regards to making choices that often times don't offer tangible results. In sum it said that I a young person becoming. Life is fluid. The doors that open today may not be there tomorrow. Sometimes it is best to choose with your heart and sometimes with your head, often times with both in combination. Sometimes I wish I had the answers.