Woe is (not) me.

By the time Friday came around this week, I found myself falling to my knees, clasping my hands together and breaking out in a southern-style gospel hymn rejoicing in thanks and praise. No, seriously, believe it, it happened. I think the best way to describe the feeling on Friday was like I had just spent the 7 previous days pushing a gigantic boulder up an incline. And by incline I mean Mt. Everest. Exhaustion, defeat, and not even near to being done. Lately I have noticed that I am lacking a balance that runs across multiple areas--school, play, and love--in my life and it's very irritating. This is how life is sometimes you might say, and I whole-heartedly agree. Schoolwork has been snowballing, volunteering engagements piling up, due dates looming and all with time running thin. My classmates feel the same pressure. We are all giving in to the wallowing alittle too often, becoming intoxicated with our complaints. "OHHHH HOW WILL IT EVER GET DONE?", laments my anxious and often times anal brain. Luckily my mind usually takes the reigns and steps in, dressed in a superman cape, and slaps my brain across the......face (if that makes sense)..typically followed with a very kind and patient "relax and get a grip Kate. It will work out." How did my mind get so mature?? When did that happen? Last time I looked I was in 5th grade learning about earth science. So many times I find that when I ask a profound question of life with a sincere longing to have a complete and genuine answer, before I know it I end up actually living "into" the answers, just as my dear friend Rainer Maria Rilke told me I would. I acquire wisdom without realizing, sort of an osmosis maybe? I wish this kind of thing happened in my academic life as the more orthodox learning methods aren't really doing it for me anymore.

It is in these times though that you have to remember to be the most patient and kind with yourself as you often learn the most, and just give in to letting things go their natural course. I think it is important to allow yourself to be vulnerable in order to achieve your full potential of experiencing life. I don't think you should necessarily run from feeling overwhelmed or defeated, it's inevitable and more importantly, normal. I cherish these times, when they have passed and I look back on them that is, after my spaz-out session has ended, and understand the positive ways in which they have shaped me into me. I also usually notice that when I feel this way, it is best countered by focusing my attention on others, being positive to others, and today when I stepped out of my little world and noticed others around me, I saw that a dear friend was struggling to keep a smile on her face. After a short diversion into the corner cafe and a couple cappuccinos, I found out that her grandpa had just passed away. I have troubles???? WHAT TROUBLES?? By the end of our time together, I know she so much appreciated talking with me, and I know I so much appreciated her sharing with me, as it slapped me back into perspective. This is where I play the "naïve and so young" card with an embarrassed and blushing grimace.

Oh Budapest, how I am learning so much from you.