ROLE PLAY

The other day I made my first trip to the baths that Budapest is so famous for. I went with a girlfriend of mine, that is after she twisted my arm and tore me away from the love of my life right now—microeconomics. HA, yeah right. What an awful lover micro is! Same affair day after day, no change, just forces me to sit in a chair and open my notes in order to strain every neuron in my brain that hasn’t given up on me and succumbed to thoughts of silliness and fun, over analyzing curves of isocosts and isoquants. Maybe this is a little too personal to be sharing, but what the heck…to tell you the truth, micro and I have no chemistry! NONE. At all. I preferred its cousin—macroeconomics :)

So going on, I went to these baths with my friend and indulged my jaw-droppingly pale self in steaming saunas, swimming pools and massages for half a day. What a heaven that was—if you come over, I’ll take you but I swear you’ll never want to leave. And as the day wore on, my friend and I tried a variety of relaxation techniques, finally settling--bellies up--in the swimming pool with a ceiling opening up to a beautiful blue Hungarian sky. We talked about a variety of topics, but the one that struck me the most was the following. We had come on to the subject of men (surprise, surprise) and the varying “relationship systems” and she was telling me about her boyfriend waiting for her back home, east of Hungary. He is the love of her life but something she said struck me as very odd and actually to be honest, sad—she told me of how while he loves her, he doesn’t respect what she is doing in her life, getting an education, I mean, and trying to better herself. My friend has been told that her place is and will always be in the home, caring for her family and soon-to-be husband, never speaking up, never challenging the very concrete gender roles. AND on top of all that, she has known for a large part of her life who exactly it is that she would marry and take those steps with. Everything in her life was leading up to...her marriage.

Since being in a different culture I have adopted to coming across varying values and principles, but this hit me that day in a way I was not prepared for. I cannot imagine being constrained (in my eyes at least) like that. I think I would keel over and die. But what she said next hit me at an even different angle...after the completion of her degree at CEU, she was ready and willing to go back and step into that life with him. Where she comes from, you do not rock the boat. You put on the cloak you are meant to wear and ask no questions as to how it was tailored or why it is that particular color. There are proper steps in life and the one she is taking now was not easily, if at all, accepted by her culture.

By the end of this conversation with her, while I had come to realize how very different values in this world are from place to place, I was in a sweating panic for her. The culture I am accustomed to places value on independence, individualism, and self-creation. I have been taught that life isn't a procession up the aisle to marriage, but a path of constant change and discovery. But she was not upset with the role she would soon take on—one of self-containment and complete obediation and dedication—she was in fact very calm and peaceful throughout our talk. It left me however, very tangled up inside and confused as to how to feel. Should I be upset that she was not choosing a life more like mine? Or should I be upset that her culture, in my eyes, locks her down and disregards her own wants? How can you possibly tell someone how to live their own life just because yours is different? And especially when they are okay with their path?

I don't think you can.