Variety and varience...

As I lay here on my bed, practically comatose with exhaustion from exams and lectures, my thoughts drift away and I go over the events and feelings of the past week…

This week began by marking the 1956 uprising in Budapest against the Soviet forces in rule at the time. It was supposed to be a day of remembrance and peaceful protesting but quickly turned into one of violence and anger. Teargas was thrown and rubber bullets were shot in the streets of this beautiful, famously peaceful city. I stayed away and only witnessed from afar but felt a sense of sadness for the people of Hungary in two different ways. One was of course the sadness remembering that day’s events 50 years ago and all the blood that was shed just so a “free” life like the one I take so much for granted in the States could be lived here in Hungary. The other sadness was for Hungary in this moment now, that it is going through all this awful political turmoil and for the embarrassing scene made on such an important anniversary. How different this world is from place to place and how much of it doesn’t even affect my homeland is too spectacular to understand.

On the other end of the emotional spectrum during this week, I found out that feelings towards another, whom I respect and admire, are mutual…BOOM-SHAKALAKA, I am feeling goooood!! After hearing this news, I promptly did what anyone would do after hearing that their crush digs them…my best Michael Jackson dance move sequence…DUH. What an exciting feeling, you just can’t get enough of it!!

Like an awful joke, later in the week I found out about a close friend’s fresh heartbreak. Ohhh how I know that feeling. Heartbreak and I became acquainted a couple years ago, but luckily left my life soon after and I haven’t seen it since. Since I knew it for so long, I know that I can only offer up words of healing and empathy to my dear friend. I wish so much I could pick her up and carry her out of this forest of unhappiness, but I understand that it is such an individual experience. I mean, of course friends and family are there to pull you through when you just cannot even fathom a sunny day again, but when you get down to it, it is just you and yourself sitting there in the pain. If I could, I would tune her "heart vibes", if you will, to the same frequency as mine, so that she could feel good again. But my friend is strong and will find a path through this experience. Oh how I wish words could heal though…

Finally, today’s feelings involve such sincere thanks and appreciation for these beautiful October days. Often times in the morning on my walk to school I find that the beginning of the journey sets a rather frantic pace to keep up--I am usually running late because I have a tendency to let my close friends Gavin (DeGraw) and Dave (Matthews) serenade me too long and I have to hustle out the door halfway dressed with jam and espresso dripping off my face, showing off the truly chic and sophisticated woman I am. I think it’s safe to say that I fit the portrait of a lunatic as I sprint down the street like my head is on fire hoping to catch the morning announcements at school. But as I continue down my street, my spastic motions begin to calm, morphing me back into sanity and I find that my eyes usually rise from the pastry I am inhaling, up to the breathtaking art-deco style architecture which most of the buildings in this part of the city have adopted. I am swept away in my thoughts and my pace begins to slow. I notice the colors and lines of the buildings. The trees beside them serve almost as bright lights the leaves are radiating so much color. I am overwhelmed with a magnificence that might ordinarily seem so mundane, but on this day I understand what I am seeing and I am thankful. I am surrounded by color. I am surrounded by life and my eyes are wide open.

I read once that the more variety of emotions you feel or the more times you are moved to tears of happiness or sadness, tears of joy or anger, the better life becomes. I know that may not always sound so appealing at first thought, but after a minute, I know I agree. But please by all means, think about this and come to your own conclusion.