HERE HERE HERE HERE HERE!

I remember a couple days before I left for Hungary, I was sort of walking around in a daze trying to “prepare” myself for the initial shock of moving. One day I had a conversation with a close friend whom I value so much because he is so down-to-earth and just plain comfortable in his own skin. I loved spending time with him because those qualities seemed to be contagious and refreshing and I would feel like I just spent the day at the spa after hanging out with him. His name is Joao and he is a tri-athlete. He is also Brazilian but now makes his home in the U.S. with his wife and son. So one day after an intense spin-work out (he was also a spin instructor) I asked him for advice about going away. Now looking back on that I hate that I called it “going away” but I’ll say why in a minute. Joao gave me some really important, maybe completely obvious advice—“just go” he told me. At that moment I remember straining my brain trying to squeeze the infinite and Dalai Lama-esque wisdom out of those words, analyzing them to the bone, only to end up feeling a little disappointed with that simple command. Joao could tell I was a little frustrated (maybe because of my toddler-like whimpering) and understood that in order not to waste those words on me, he probably had to follow-up with more. So he also told me his story of when he first came to the U.S.—he didn’t know the language very well, all his friends were back home, he had just split with his fiancé and he didn’t enjoy his new job. He felt lost in this new life and he was 31 years old. He told me in the beginning for a long time his mind was constantly back in Brazil, living life there. This only frustrated him more, with many lonely nights and tears for this massive athlete of a man. It was at this point that I started to bee-line it out of the gym and down to the travel agency to return my plane ticket. Luckily Joao stopped me and led me back to the bikes we just finished up on. We got back on and started pedaling and he began again. He stressed the importance of just going and not thinking—to just go and be completely THERE because what else can you really do? It is no fun to be split in your mind and body but this is so much easier said than done, just like I knew my whole experience would be. And I know this stops so many people from so many experiences. But gradually, Joao said, life got better—he found a great job he loves, he started training hard for events, he found a great group of friends, and he met his now wife. His mind had finally met up with him in the U.S.

I think that I was scared of “going away” because I knew that a part of me would be going away for good. Maybe Joao feels the same. I knew that this would change me, mold me, leave me with a different perspective and impression of the world and its people living in it. Those aren’t bad things at all, in fact those are things I want most. And not like I hadn’t lived abroad before or been in challenging experiences, but before each one I think you always wonder about things in one year from now, or two years. You want to see the results and the outcomes. Who will you be at the end? How will you have become a better person? How will you have helped others? What will happen?

Luckily I have taken Joao’s advice and stayed very much here in Budapest and am so thankful because there is SO much life here—who knew?—one of my friends just had a beautiful baby boy!! And gradually this place has become another home and a significant part of my life. The best part is that I didn’t end up really “going away”, because I am not away, I am just HERE.